My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
