just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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