so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
