My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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