Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
