i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
