the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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