Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
