If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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