i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i drank out of a bidet.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
