Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
