At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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