RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
