I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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