why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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