when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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