I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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