There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
