I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
