alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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