How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're a waste of cheezeits
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
