i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
