I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
