oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
