I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
