Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
