Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
