why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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