The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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