May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
