so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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