Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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