Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
