I wish i was in the wii world.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
