she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
