i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
