Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I FOUND THE LEGS
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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