12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
