im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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