Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
