he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
