I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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