he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
