Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
