Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
