Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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