you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
