the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
