Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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