Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
