I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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