his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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