I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
