its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
