I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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